After four years of waiting, Patty’s brother finally accepted my friend request. I think it’s her brother. His birth date seems right. I’m so grateful. Somehow his accepting translates in my mind to at least he doesn’t hate me. Or hopefully that means he’s not pissed at me. All he may know about me is that I wanted to step in and buy a grave stone for Patty because she didn’t have one. I’m assuming he’s the owner of the plot. He might have heard via the grapevine — meaning Holy Cross cemetery — because he bought and placed a stone finally.

Sadly, I haven’t been able to visit it. But it’s going to be the first thing on my agenda when I go back to visit California. That and talking to Detective C at the Hall of Justice. I don’t think he’d refuse to meet with me. But that is the fear. That speech I’ve rehearsed in my head a hundred times about how the police are basically in the citizen’s employ is destined to stay in my head. I’m too much of a coward to confront law enforcement.

While watching “Blue Bloods” last night, the daughter of the Police Commissioner, Niki Reagan, said that “you’re either on one side of the law or the other.” She didn’t mention how you could change sides. I’ve found myself shuffling off my in-your-face attitude that worked for me in my youth. Now I’m all deference and gratitude. I used to lump them together, now I realize there are just bad eggs in the bunch. I’ve been lucky that I haven’t rubbed up against any of those. 

I wrote a note to her brother asking him to confirm that it is or is not him. Maybe that’ll take another four years. Who knows. Still, I was hovering for a full day after I found out he’d accepted my friend request. I don’t even know what I’d ask him first. How did things turn out for her son? How were the last four years of Patty’s life during the time we were estranged? Clearly some of those years were not so great. I could say the same for myself. Did she push away her family like she pushed me away? Is there any fucking chance that her case is going to be solved? Maybe he has some inside knowledge, some hopeful tidbit since he is a police officer himself. Not only that, but a friend of Detective C. Or maybe he knows just as little as I do. I really just want to talk to him. 

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